I guess I was taking time off since I wrote so much last nite. ha.

so yea, on Friday we had a test in Chem. which I totatlly bombed. reason(s): I have no idea, I don't know the principles, didn't do enough of the homework, not enough study time, got freaked out/nervous. yea I could probably go on but eh what's the point.

I think I may just stick out this weekend working bit, who knows. it's money, it's work. friends there too now.

superbowl was today. not that I'm a big fan or anything just like it for the commercials mostly as does the majority of the pop. but no TV at work tonite so I caught nothing of the game (aka commercials). but also today, darrell got a bigger TV.. which may or may not turn out to be my downfall. we'll see. but it's nice.

oh but about the Chem thing. yea if I can't do well in that then things are really going to start sucking big Tyme around here. I mean it's my major and all so I'd hope I could atleast do somewhat well in that area. I don't know.

I just want to be able to live in these moments for the rest of my life.. minus the school. well actually no, that would suck. I meet a lot of people through school. I guess just the failing part. or I'm just being a whiny bitch. yea, probably that last part.

now I don't mean to knock anybody, or take anything away from those reading this. but .. but can you know who I am, can you understand me just by my words alone? in a sense, yes. but also no. I feel you need to more or less experience someone. it has been brought to my attention that I have presumeably changed since my first year here at USC. and apparently over the coarse of one summer.. namely my first summer I spent in VA Beach. I guess looking back on how I am today I would also yes, that ONE summer probably did affect me. but I feel that it may have started earlier. but I almost had to as I knew no one up there except my brother whom I was living with at the time. but at work I had to make friends and quickly. which I did. but it's funny at the sametime, whenever I meet new people and then start acting however it is I act they tell me that they would never have expected this out of me. I suppose that's true too, as I tend to be quite shy or just quiet at first. maybe surveying my surroundings, who can I trust, who can bullshit with, etc. this is so especially in a work type environment. where everybody else is just drudging (is that a word?) along so I tend to spice things up a bit and make them smile. makes my day easier and I'd like to think their's too. c'est tout.

is it all a facade or do you truely not care?