blah. just haven't had the urge to update lately. and not as though nothing has happened as things have happened. can't exactly remember what though.

exams have begun so ... yea it doesn't phase me really. I don't care. fall semesters, as it has been pointed out to me, are always full of suck and crap. I would have to agree.

ok back. it's now 2:20am. went and hung out with my freshman year roomie. that was good. now back to our story..

it is hard for me to think of a time when I have been truely angry with someone or not wanted to be nice or exchange pleasantries(?). not sure where I'm going with this, my mind is all muddled up. maybe I'm trying to spread myself to thin. I look at my brother's, my parent's and see who their friends are. not really any from school due to moves and for some not going. but they have a very select group, few individuals in fact in which they 'hang out'. for some of mine, I have definitely gotten closer, but for others are they just friends for this point in my life? whether you get tired of them, grow apart or get separated because of distance. what's to become of them.

I definitely take for granted Julieta's feelings for me. and I wish that I didn't. maybe I'm beginning to understand. I wish I could feel how she feels. maybe I do. but I'm just to scared to admit it. there is much I could say but then it would be held against me.

I will try not to comment on others' actions for I have no control nor any comprehension of what reasoning they may have. I can only say that for the most part I am happy with where my life is going. I only need put forth some effort and take care of myself. for some reason or another, things usually fall into place for me. nothing extrememly terrible happens. in fact, nothing really that I can complain about that I haven't caused. if I cause it then I chalk it up to me being particularly lazy. told my mom the other day that god made me lazy so I wouldn't take over the world. she agreed to some extent. oh so yea. I was home the other day. deposit a check, see the folks, and took my pics to scan them to the home pc. needed to study too but like that happened. got a lot of pictures scanned, now all I have to do is have someone from home send them to me here. then I'll try and post some. mostly from my two summers in va beach. some of my best friend david and I. god I miss him. I hope he's doing well.

we're just about 1 year apart and have known each other since we can remember. after our families moved apart we would visit each other for one week during the summers alternating whose house we went to. haven't spoken with him or his mom (like my second mom basically) in too long. sadness.

not sure where this is coming from but I feel like writing more. things here on the home front have been surprisingly good. darrell and I are talking more. I mean don't take it that we didn't at any point but it just seems more often for some reason. and by talk I mean tv, sports (well I listen and ask dumb questions while he talks), music, games, basic happenings. who knows, things are better so that's good enough for me. I have an english exam tomo.. er today at 2pm. think I've studied? would I ask if the answer was 'yes'? no. to both. ok, I think I'm done now. sorry if this is the first entry of mine you're reading. they're usually not this long.

REALLY!?! I MEAN WHAT THE fuck?

ps - I think I may have to do my first private entry soon. I'll let you how the experiment goes.