I don't say this enough but thanks for reading my journal. it makes me happy.

aside from that, I just had a disturbing thought. I just felt like leaving everything behind. my friends (some of whom I question sad to say), my schooling, my "work" .. everything. it'd be nice but extremely difficuly so I guess I'll stay. maybe I should do what I've always done before, if it's bad for me just drop it. I do have a cold side, and it bothers me so. maybe its my way of running, but if I don't like it or whatever the reason then I leave it. I realize where ever I go there will be other people just the same so might as well make do with those around.

on the other hand there is some good that I look forward to. Kim and Mary Alice, Janice, going home, a beautiful day with the sun shining, and love (it's somewhere out there for me I just have to find it).

this is kind of funny though, current time is 2:30am and I just realized I've only been up for about 12 hours now. I slept almost 13 hours Sat. nite, it was the best. Halloween nite I was a Shriner (for those of you who don't know it's those guys with the circus who ride around on go-karts with little red hats on) and was over at Fort Gay for alittle while. wasn't sure what I'd be doing that nite so I only had two drinks. well, I went home about 11pm or so to see Julieta. we went out and saw Texas Chainsaw Massacre then to sleep at about 4-4:30am. yea then a long day of the mall then driving back to Columbia for work. of course I was going to sleep for 13hours. it was great to see her. I wish we knew what to do. well I think I know what I must do. it's definitely going to be hard on my part though.

you see, Julieta; and as it turns out I too; still have feelings for one another. but she just got out of a relationship and her parents are a bit of trouble. we're just not sure of what it is that we want. my problem is that.. well.. I'll just lay it out. I need to find out from Rebecca if I should just get her out of my mind and not worry about us getting back together. now this doesn't mean not be friends, I'll always want that. I guess what I'm looking for is a definite "NO" from her so that I know and can stop this "what if" because I think it's having a real affect on what happens with Julieta and I.

I feel like crying for some reason. I love you all.